Are We Strong Enough to Carry the Pain?

Research tells us that a large number of women endorse the “Strong Woman” narrative as a badge of honor. That is, we are strong, resilient, and self-sacrificing. In this edition of Lovely Lady Magazine, we see the strong, difficult, unhappy, resilient woman and Miss Independent. In these stories, we can likely see traces of ourselves. What we have in common as a woman and with the women in this issue may be trauma, scars, heartbreak, tenacity, and strength. However, is that enough? What about the required healing due to the things we have endured? Shouldn’t we have that as well?

As Dr. Lovely put it, “there is still residue… the relationship can be over and the accuser long gone, but the sadness and pain remain.” Are we strong enough to carry the pain? Yes, we sure are, and we do it every day! The question, however, becomes, “is the pain limiting us?” Is our strength contributing to our demise? Unfortunately, we cannot change the fact that we were molested, homeless, emotionally or physically neglected, or made to care for everyone but ourselves. Still, we can start healing today by taking the time to care for our bodies, spirit, soul, and mind.

You can do practical things to help you stop carrying the heavy load of your past. They include talking to a therapist, journaling, exercising, and renewing your relationship with God.

Talk to a Therapist

If you have never been to counseling, try it; what do you have to lose? Remember that a therapy relationship is like any other one; you must have the right fit. Go to a few sessions; if it doesn’t feel right, try a different therapist. There are a lot of options available today, including teletherapy. You can talk to a trained professional right from the comfort of your own home.

Journaling

Each day take a moment and write down your thoughts and feelings. Do not worry about spelling or grammar, or penmanship; just write. Write down your accomplishments for that day and what you are grateful for. Write your hopes and dreams. Don’t limit what you write. Let it flow.

Exercise

There is a positive connection between exercise and mental health. Research shows that the body’s cortisol and adrenaline levels increase, and the brain’s dopamine production increases when you exercise… this means you feel happier! Exercise is like free medication! So take a walk every day. Ride your bike. Go to the gym and watch your body and your mind feel better.

Renew Your Relationship with God

We started this section by pointing out how strong Black women can be the strength for the people they love, but what is left for you after you have helped others? The word of the Lord tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:8 that God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. When we are always strong, we do not allow God to show up for us. God works best when we are weak. So, Queen, it is OK to be vulnerable. It is especially OK when you are tired from all you do, from supporting, encouraging everyone else, exhausted, and from carrying the load. One of my favorite scriptures is found in the Message Bible. Matthew 11:28–30 says this:

“Are you tired and worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me — watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Matthew 11:28–30 (The Message)

Doesn’t that sound amazing? To live freely and lightly! And this state of rest does not come from religion; it comes with a relationship with your creator. There is a strength and peace that can be found in a daily intimate relationship with God. When you go throughout your day in a personal conversation with God, the circumstances in life don’t necessarily disappear, but the weight of them does. John 15:5 says, “I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing.” So I encourage you to remain in him, to become intimately connected with God. I encourage you to develop a quiet time to read his word, sit in silence and reflect. I encourage you to allow the peace of God, which passes all understanding to guard your heart and mind (Philippians 4:7). Remember you are never alone and in your weakness lies His strength.