It was the summer of 2013, and I had been through some very traumatic experiences leading up to this time. I became so entrapped by anxiety and depression that I was crippled.
I remember being at a local car wash with my husband. I had this overwhelming feeling of not being able to breathe. As my husband attempted to get the interior of our car cleaned, I began to yell, take me home. All I knew was at that moment; it felt as if I couldn't breathe, and I needed to go home. This was the start of a debilitating breakdown.
I became unable to do simple things like go to the grocery store, ride in the car, be alone, talk, eat, smile, and sleep. My mom had to come and stay with us, as I needed help taking care of myself and my 4yr old son. My mind continually raced and was never in a peaceful state. I remember thinking about how torturous it felt and that I couldn't live like this for the rest of my life.
As a Christian, I battled with prayer vs. taking medication. Would God think less of me for not just relying on faith and prayer? My answer, in the end, was no. In my mental turmoil, I realized, the same way God gave doctors the knowledge to treat medical conditions with medicine, was the same way God gave psychiatrists insight to treat mental conditions with medication.
I needed medication to help me get better. I also began to take brief small walks around my apartment complex. I would do this a few times a day, depending on how much strength and courage I had to go outside. I had a counselor that was able to meet with me over the phone until I was able to drive and be out in public again.
Why am I sharing my story, one may ask? I chose to share as I know other women have suffered silently. We put on a facade and act as if we have it together. We ignore signs, don't eat a balanced diet, don't get the proper rest, don't exercise, and keep pushing until mentally we break down.
It's essential to take time to relax and regroup. Have a spa day, or treat yourself to a staycation. As much as I don't like to exercise, I learned in counseling, that exercise helps with your mental health as it releases endorphins and serotonin, which helps to reduce stress. When unable to properly manage your anxiety or depression on your own, it's okay to seek guidance from a counselor and use the medication if needed. A healthy mind is essential to living.
What I learned through this journey is that rebuilding does not always begin with strength—it often begins with surrender. It begins with acknowledging the cracks, seeking help, and allowing yourself to be supported while you gather the pieces. My breakdown was not the end of my story; it was the foundation for a stronger, wiser, more compassionate version of myself. Rebuilding means giving yourself permission to heal, to rest, to grow, and to rise again—brick by brick, prayer by prayer, step by step. And if you find yourself in the rubble of anxiety or depression, know this: you are not broken beyond repair. With faith, support, and the courage to seek help, you can rebuild—and your new foundation will be stronger than ever.
Tracy Collymore